Be helpless and dumbfounded,
unable to say yes or no.
Then a stretcher will come from grace to gather us up.
We are too dull-eyed to see the beauty.
If we say Yes We Can, we will be lying.
If we say No We Don’t See It,
that no will behead us and shut tight
our window into spirit.
So let us be not sure of anything,
beside ourselves and only that,
so miraculous beings come running to help.
Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute,
we will be saying finally,
with tremendous eloquence, Lead us.
When we have totally surrendered to that beauty, we will become a mighty kindness.
Thoughts from Day 4 of a 54-day Novena from a Toltec-shaman-warrior-goddess who loves the rosary…
When Gabriel first appears to Mary I imagine she was dumbfounded: speechless, stuck silent, her mind like dust, mist, smoke (from the root dhue)
Unsure of anything, she doesn’t say yes or no…. she goes back to herself. She surrenders.
I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.”
And she becomes a mighty kindness.
When we let our minds be mist, not filled with hard concepts and boulders of certainty, there is space for grace to enter. When we let go of the immediate “I can do this” or “I will not do this” we release the small “I” of our personality, the part of us that is always trying to figure things out, nail things down, understand. We surrender up the lie that we are an individual, sovereign and isolated from the breath of spirit and separated from the night sky of atoms that swirls through everything.
And suddenly we are connected back to the circle of life, to the everythingness of nothingness, disheveled in the most magnificent way, our mouth so filled with the taste of god we cannot speak.
Swallow and let the divine enter your bones, fill your cells. Put down your civilized sword of progress and kneel to the mighty kindness of the earth and whisper: “Lead us.” Speak the holy words: “I surrender.” Let the miraculous beings come running, arms outstretched, to put you back together in an unrecognizable way.
Today may you open the spirit window that lies in the infinity between yes and no. Let your mind be mist. Listen for the silent footfalls of grace all around you.